and just like that, the loml is having a baby.
I guess the correct term is “break baby”.. But, how do we know if we’re in love with someone and missing out or if our ego is forcing us to think so? Realizing that we still love someone from the past, especially when we find out they’re now fathering a child.
All the memories and plans created are a bit frustrating to remember when you realize that’s not the present. I was on FaceTime with my best friend who reminded me that I barely like kids, and that i’m a selfish person so reconciling with him would be useless.
But… would it?
It’s easy for someone to remind you who you are and for you to walk away, but it’s harder to actually do it. Knowing someone for so long and staying by them, only for in the end, someone else is experiencing them in ways you’ve deemed just for yourself.
I guess that goes back to me being selfish huh? I can’t deny my selfish behavior or the fact that I don’t care if he’s changing diapers that I should be a priority. But, I can’t exactly say that without sounding selfish.
But, I am. It’s hard being an eldest daughter over-thinker who loves life in your head and is hoping for everyone to just read your mind.
If someone could read my mind, they’d know that I’m actually not really selfish, and I don’t mind kids, and I wanted to one day start a family with someone who knew me. And I thought it was him.
I guess this is life. Waking up one day realizing that people are living without you, and without a care about you. No matter the history, and no matter the love.
And just like that, I decided, I’m not going to stick around.